The truth of purpose

Every human makes assumptions that drastically shape the way they live their lives. One of the most fundamental assumptions I have made is the existence or absence of inherent purpose. Does my life have a purpose, have meaning? Does life itself have a purpose, have meaning?

I have made many assumptions unknowingly. I lived most of my life assuming I knew what Gd was, or at least I knew what other people thought Gd was, and I knew that Gd didn’t exist. That science as taught is correct and Gd is fantasy and that life itself has no ultimate purpose. Religious people were crazy and believed in some make-believe force that can’t be proven to exist. There is no evidence that suggests Gd exists. The existence of Gd is not a logical, sane conclusion I can come to. I assumed these things and lived my life as a human in society playing with the playthings that do exist in this world. The physical things I can touch and the emotions I feel. The purpose of my life I would decide. My desires would drive my actions. My beliefs would be unintentionally shaped by society and social norms and the cultures and language I was exposed to and the people that I spent my time with.

Today I must question everything because everything I believed may be false if it is based on a false premise. Drawing from everything I have experienced in life to date, I have come to believe that the premise I once believed in is false. My heart and my mind at this moment in time have decided that my life has a purpose, that there is a purpose to life, to humanity, to the human experience, to emotions, to action, to creation. This is by far the most likely conclusion, I am sure of it.

I experience life and am conscious of this phenomenon of life. Can the concept of life be described in its entirety? Can we describe all of the possibilities life contains? Does the number of possibilities that contains change? How would you describe life? In experiences? In emotions? In actions, accomplishments, milestones, connections, or mechanical work and subatomic forces holding particles together in space and time or all of these? Can the entirety of life be described?

I choose to believe that there is an absolute truth. The absolute truth is the purpose of life, the truth of life, and the more perfectly and wholely this truth is revealed, the more obvious and true it will seem to more and more people. There are things that I have heard that just sound right, sound true. These concepts sit on my heart and mind in a way that is very difficult if not impossible to remove. My soul hears concepts that are true in their essence and it can’t let go of them because these are fundamental truths of the soul. As the revelation of truth approaches perfection, more and more people will understand and accept the truth and be at peace. Because we as humanity need love and wholeness and perfection and peace and when every human understands that love and peace and oneness is possible and the purpose of life, we will be one. There will be no divisiveness because there is no real reason for it. We are all existing together in a snapshot of a limited plane inside an unlimited consciousness.

How do I reveal the truth? I describe. The world is built in a specific way, driven and shaped by specific forces that can be expressed on each organizational level, and energies are cyclical, they continue to repeat. There are fundamental emotions or forces or energies or essences that exist in physical and spiritual form and influence their surroundings. An essence can be building or destroying in a sense. If I describe the entirety of my life, the entirety of my consciousness, my thoughts, with unwavering and absolute honesty, I am able to uncover my truth and my purpose. My soul longs for certain energies in this world. Each action I take contains a combination of energies and as such has a specific influence on its surroundings.

The only thing that matters is to seek, describe, and live the purpose of life. If I am making an assumption that there is a purpose, then there is a specific way I am supposed to live in this moment to achieve the purpose. It is my job to completely live according to that way and to search for my truth. If I am striving and taking action to connect to my soul and search for the truth I am approaching my purpose. My first step in building a fundamental relationship with the creator of my soul and of everything else is to rigorously examine the attributes of my soul. My examination should be daily as my understanding of my soul, though it contains fundamental elements and essences, develops and changes over time. This self-examination builds my understanding of my purpose and myself. What do I like and dislike? What do I want to spend my time doing? The world is my oyster. I can do anything I want, but what thoughts do I have, what actions do I take to build myself into the person I need to be, I am meant to be? It won’t be easy. If it is hard and I find myself dealing with a difficult situation or emotion and I sit and stay and feel and accept what I would describe as discomfort I am on the right path. If I move through difficultly with self-examination and deliberate action, using my intellect and experiences to guide me on the path that seems most true, I am moving closer to my truth. The more honest I am with myself, the more honest I am with the way I look at the world, at life and at humanity and at the environment, the freer I am in this moment. The less I look for something external to give me purpose.

My brain often chooses pleasure as a purpose. But the way this world is built, the chase after pleasure can lead to pain, destruction, and emptiness. This is an indication to me that seeking pleasure in its essence isn’t the purpose of life. Appreciating pleasure, experiencing pleasure, and seeking “building” pleasure may be a part of the purpose. Pleasure, of course, is a real and important part of the human experience. It is a motivator of my action and a guide to understanding my soul. Certain activities and actions provide me with certain levels of pleasure, some more than others. It would appear that some activities that provide me with high levels of pleasure do not provide others with the same level of pleasure. Examining what provides me with pleasure may help me decide what activities and actions I would like to incorporate into my day. As with everything in the human experience, in order to understand the essence of what we refer to as “pleasure” with the English “p” + “l” + “e” + “a” + “s” + “u” + “r” + “e”, I have to zoom in on the experience of pleasure for me and work to describe it with the utmost precision. What is the difference between pleasure and enjoyment? Or pleasure and interest, or pleasure and love? Can I use multiple terms to capture the true essence of pleasure? Is there an overlap between terms?

Do there exist terms, emotions, or feelings that are fundamentally the building blocks of an essence? Terms or feelings that appear to not be divisible, and serve as the building block for all spiritual substance, in the same way that we describe electrons, neutrons, and protons? Or waves? Or perhaps negative and positive forces? Left and right spins? When I close my eyes and connect to the experience of pleasure I connect it with love. Love is the fundamental building force. When I feel pleasure, I feel warmth inside my body, and my skin and bones seem to pull forward or tighten or urge to be close to whatever is pleasing me. Pleasure makes me smile and warm and satisfied to some extent and true. In the moment when I feel pleasure, I can disconnect from thought and worry and focus on a good feeling. In the moments when I feel pleasure, I feel present. Activities and actions and thoughts can allow me to feel pleasure. And I allow activities and actions and thought to please me. I release a loving energy toward these activities, actions, and thoughts and receive love in return, though the amount and quality of love returned varies in space and time depending on the activity and my intention. If it is primarily building or destroying action, for example, the amount and quality of love returned may vary. Do my actions increase the love that exists in our world?

I know that I am alive. And based on my unconscious descriptions and observations of the world I have decided unknowingly, for the most part, what to strive for, what I want, and what is good for me. I have lived most of my life allowing myself to make such decisions for myself. I tried to make decisions that help me build a good life for myself. I want to be self-sufficient, to own a home, to accumulate wealth, to have a job I enjoy, to spend my time doing things I enjoy and consider meaningful, to find a partner and maybe start a family, to travel, to eat well and exercise, to be social and make connections. I want to build a comfortable and fulfilling life for myself, to be content in the moment and not be limited financially. I want to increase the number of options and paths and experiences that are available to me. I want to maximize the amount of money and time I have in order to do the things I love. I want to feel like I am secure as I age, and will not be thrown out onto the street, or be forced to work when I imagine I would like to be retired. I am so sure that, when I look at society, that being respected, being famous, being impactful, having an influence, being successful, being comfortable, avoiding suffering, are all worth aspiring for. But today I am realizing that this is not necessarily true. I don’t know what is good for me.

I can strive to build a life for myself, including within it actions and activities and things that I consider to be important, but ultimately whether these things are “good” for me, in the way I imply using the English “g” + “o” + “o” + “d”, is a different story. My human experience is temporal. Working to achieve these things, and actually achieving them, may influence my life in an expected way but likely will also have unforeseen consequences that I would not consider to be “good”. I can use my aspirations and a motivator and a guide, but it is important for me to remember that I truly do not know if these will be “good” for me, will provide me with satisfaction, will incorporate into my life what I hope they will. Will fill the void. Will be meaningful. Will provide me with satisfaction, happiness, enjoyment.

In my experience, external stimuli initially can trigger a spike of exciting energy or pleasure, though it tends to be fleeting and accompanied by unforeseen consequences. I am not equipped to guide my quest for happiness and fulfillment because, among other reasons, my limited mind and understanding of the world and all its elements and actions and reactions and consequences can not enable me to achieve the whole peace my soul is looking for. External things in this world cannot fully or consistently fulfill me. The good news is that this fulfillment is more accessible than I previously thought. I do not really need this thing or this relationship or this much money or this house or this security in order to be happy or fulfilled. Understanding that logically, I can not know for certain what is “best” for me or “good” for me or what I “need”, seems to enable me to decide to internalize and experience the essence of happiness and fulfillment at any moment.

Each moment I am alive I have enough in life. I have enough force and energy. I am not truly lacking anything. I am. It would appear that I did not decide to be alive, at least I don’t remember making this decicion. I did not make the choice to be born into the body my soul is stuck in. I did not chose the experiences that seem to have been forced upon me. I have no control over anything except the thoughts I decide to think and actions I decide to take. I have the choice to decide, but that is all. Each day if I am able to internalize and see that in this moment I have exactly what I need to live, that I am inherently not lacking in anything, that my soul did not chose a lacking existence, nor does it need to seek external stimuli in order to be fulfilled, that I am in my essence whole and perfect in each moment – and the extent to which I experience this wholeness and perfection is in my hands – I may tap into serenity.